When I found out that I had cancer, I was devestated. Thats normal. But then I started finding the hilariousness of some of the aspects of it all.
That bothers some people.
They want it to be serious and somber and I suppose kind of grief stricken. After all it certainly IS a serious and somber and grief filled scarey prospect. Cancer.
But then I just started finding a lot of it funny. Like the Chemo room and how I turned it into a party room.
Or when I had only 12 hairs left on my head and I kept wearing hats and I would tease out those 12 hairs and point them out to folks so that my hair didnt feel abandoned.
Or the night at midnight that my husband and child shaved my 12 hairs off and made me into a velcro head. And then I realized my head is shaped like a turtles. I thought I'd have a swan neck and an oval head with stately forhead. Nope. low forhead and squarish head with bump in the middle top. Of course I'd have a thick neck and a squarish round head. Goes with the short waist and square hands I have.
When I see my self now in the mirror I have to laugh. Its the most rediculous thing to see your own head naked.
I of course have week moments. I cry at least once a day. My resistance is lowered and I feel so not in control of my body, my life, my symptoms and it all is a snowball of disgustingness. But I only allow myself that 5 minutes and the rest of the day is normal, or as normal as my normal right now can be.
The funniest part of all this is the neighbor kids trying to catch me off guard so they can see the naked head. I dont wear my wig at home. I have hats on every door knob in the house and I have a scarf by my apron in the kitchen. I can jump to that door knob and slap on that cap faster than the old gunslingers could draw their guns in the ol west. Makes my son laugh every time. He likes to tease me by saying one of his friends is at the door and can he come in. I jump to knob and slap a cap on and then get mad and flustered and ask him why he let them in and then the little imp will say, "oh no, I meant IF they were going to come over could they come in?" little brat o mine. I'd so do it to him to and he knows it.
I'm trying to show people that we can still find humor in our life. I'm teaching my friends and family not to tip toe around the subject; its ok to ask how I am and then talk about regular stuff. Crack jokes and tell stories.
Or ask to see whats under that sopping wet, dripping with sweat, furball of a thing I wear on my head most of the time to make everyone forget I have the head of a turtle.
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3 comments:
Turtles are so cute! I just love looking at turtles at the zoo...they look so wise and so knowledgeable, like they know something we don't and are thinking things we can't. You are a super star...keep remembering that! Hugs for you.
My sister battled breast cancer a few years back. She recently celebrated being five years cancer free.
I learned many, many things about and from her.
1) Cancer patients get so sick of pink that they want to vomit. They already vomit way too often, so skip the pink shit.
2) My sister would often tell me that I had to do things because she had cancer. She and I once ate an entire giant box of Mike and Ike's at a movie because she insisted that she had cancer and needed them. We had a blast.
3) My sister also taught me that it is perfectly fine to call someone at three in the morning just because you are scared and need to be talked down from the ledge. We learned more about each other in our late night talks than we ever did in the 39 years before she had cancer. I learned that she once stole mascara from Walgreens. She learned that I once dropped my daughter on her head when she was 4 months old and was terrified that she had brain damage but didn't tell anyone.
4) I learned to wear a baseball cap everywhere when I was with her so that she wouldn't feel so alone.
Kayte, thank you ever so much :-)
Maria, I loved number 4, its true; I usually feel such the oddball with caps and scarves or even that big ol' wig. You were so kind hearted to do that!!
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