Loss

Well I learned the big lesson in the chemo room today.

Dont ask where the missing people are. I assumed the ones that didnt show were done with their sessions of chemo. wrong. The two I asked about that brought so much joy and energy to the room were not there last week nor today.

"Where is Karen today, I havent seen her in a couple of weeks", I say jauntily.

"Oh and that other lady...what was her name, oh she makes me laugh!!"

The nurse goes to the bullitin board by her desk and untacs a paper and hands it to me.

My heart dropped and I just couldnt breath for a sec. Its a copy of a person's funeral program. Karen's funeral was Sunday.

But she didnt seem sickly. She seemed so full of life.

She was a jolly soul. A real firecracker. A fiesty lady full of energy and a twinkle in her eye that you just knew was waiting for myschief. She was 60ish. She brought the sun and moon and all the stars, and a little bit o' the devil into the room when she came to get chemo.

She had colon cancer. You dont think of women having colon cancer but so far in the chemo room all the colon cancer cases but one that I have met have been women. Pretty young too. In their 20's and 30's.

Tears rolled down my cheeks and I hugged the program for a few seconds not breathing.

And then we did her right by talking about her in the chemo room all around. She had skipped a week of her chemo a few weeks ago to go on a nice vacation. She had had so much fun and she came back full of energy and joy talking about seeing all her friends and relatives on her trip.... Karen will be greatly missed.

So then I asked, "And Miss Mary?" "Is Miss Mary ok?" and the answer was that she is not doing well at all and it will be a miracle if she makes it back to the chemo room. What a lady Miss Mary was!!! SHe also was full of sunshine and encouragement. She was like the camp leader with her conversation skills and cheering us on.

I have such trouble getting an IV. Small veins and now they are collapsing and she used to shout accross the room, "Dont even think about it miss PixieLyn you just think about all that shopping you and me is gonna do later", even tho we have no such plans. She would make up all kinds of fun things to go do after chemo so I wouldnt feel so bad. She sews all her own clothes....fashionable lovely clothes that are so very nice. She came to the chemo room all dolled up. She says it is because she is determined to put her best foot forward and not worry about that its the ugly ol' chemo room. I hope the miracle happens and I see her walk in the ugly ol' chemo room again.

So lesson learned; DONT ASK and THEY WONT TELL.