Mystery spot

Sometimes in life when you are handed lemons you really cant do all those things they say in silly quotations like 'make lemonade' or 'ask for vodka to go with it' or 'throw them back'. You just have to hold your breath and go with it, work through it, and see how it goes.

Two weeks ago they told me that I needed to have a mammogram as a check up. It kinda hurt a little more on the surgery side but not really that bad. I dont think mammograms hurt too bad anyway. They have pressure but not really hurt and its only for a minute or two anyway. It hurts more on the pinchy underarm muscles more.

They always say when you are done that if they see something the doctor will call. When they called the first time I kinda expected it because I felt an odd reaction from the X-ray tech after she took my X-rays and she told me the doctor would call me, she didnt say "if" so I really right from the beginning felt something was up with that mammogram. But this time I felt so relaxed, after all; it was just a check up and they just wanted to see how the breast is doing...They took pictures of both breast, the clinician told me to get dressed and if the doctor saw anything suspicious he would call.

They called a few days ago while I was delirious with spider venom.

They found something mysterious on the OTHER breast. Yes.... O T H E R breast. As in totally different breast and possible new cancer? tumor? Mysterious...suspicious.. and terrifying to comprehend.

When they called I sucked in my breath and listened and figured out on the calendar when to do the appointments and then hung up and cried. Then called my husband. Then took more pills and slept off the rest of the spider venom.

Good thing I was on happy pills and pain pills and just vomiting, moaning, and writhing in pain from venom and not really focused. I guess there really is a disguised blessing in every tragedy.

Today is the day I go from my chemo session to three special appointments to see what is behind mystery lump number two.

I am not really nervous.

I am just holding my breath.