Friday, December 03, 2010


Yesterday my husband brought me to Radiation.

I look forward to when he brings me because it means a nice lunch out, just the two of us. I really like that.

Yesterday I had several appointments so couldnt ride the "Party Bus".On these extra appointment days he takes off from work and takes me.

The whole dang day all I did was talk about the bus, talk about the driver, talk about the Party goers and talk about how it is to be in the waiting room waiting for treatment. Like they were family. And I desperately missed them.

How odd is that that I'm addicted to my Party bus? I hate that stupid van and I hate the whole thing but now I see that since its become my world that when I was away from it yesterday I fretted over missing something while I was away. I realized I identify with them more than my family or friends and I feel more comfortable there. This little bit of personal trivia makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I cant wait to see the people and the driver and that is just odd. Heartbreaking but understandable.

And now I realize the truth of all those tv reports and investigations saying that prisoners feel lost and abandoned when they are released back out into the world and want to go back in.

Oh lord please erase this latest bit from my mind. Please please please dont let my mind absorb this and take it as fact.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

The Party Bus

The Party Bus is really a utility van with seats. I've talked about it before so you know its pretty basic and it makes for a long bumpy ride. It is about 1 and a half hour trip there and the same back.

I am in my fifth week. I cant believe how fast the time has flown, it doesnt seem like I've already done 4 weeks.

The waiting room is filled with the same people every day, and I of course have turned it into a place where we greet each other as other patients and vans from far away places unload. When we started the waiting patients just stared straight ahead. Not me, I chat everyone up. Now its meet and greet and I like it that way.

We got a two new passengers, I used to be the only one.

Now it really is a Party bus.

There is one man, about 60. He has a deep smokers voice from Detroit. Lived in the fast lane his whole life, you can tell by his stories and the way he talks. He is always on the phone making plans for "libations" after he gets off the bus. The next morning when he gets on he slinks on with dark rings around his eyes and his coat reeks of bar smoke. I imagine all the reasons since we never talk about the particulars. He sleeps all the way there, while there and all the way back. He has manners though. Slick manners like a 'play-ah" so it kind of creeps me out. But he is pleasant and he smiles.

The newest passenger came on the bus with 'tude. The 'dont talk to me because you have cancer and I'm not going to be associated with you other cancer people' kind of attitude. I squashed that right away. I could tell she was the type to keep her angst inside and she was hurting. Kept talking and chatting to her and kept smiling and finally she broke yesterday and told me how weary she was of cancer and the funk she's in and how she is just frustrated and tired, and I was able to tell her "ME TOOOOO!" and thats why we are friendly and must talk. I told her no one is going to understand her like "we " do. I told her we are her "right now for a reason" friends and that if we never talk or see each other its ok because right now we are supporting each other. Yesterday she thanked me for talking to her and making her see things differently.

I like that about myself. I really do. I dont like a LOT of things about myself but that is one thing I like. I really love people. I dont care what creed, color, station or anything, I just love you because you are human. And I care. I smile at the nasty dirty poor ugy patients that every one scoots as far away as possible from. Yes they smell and are nasty. But. But they are human and want just as much recognition that they are human and alive and HERE as you do. I smile and acknowledge that. And I am glad I'm like this. It drives my husband insane but it makes me happy. I get everyone smiling and talking and chatting and that makes me satisfied in the very pit of my core being.

So yes I made the few people who get on the party bus a chatting and a talkin' and now every day its like greeting friends when we get on the van to take us to get our skin burned to kill those nasty cancerous cells lurking in our flesh.

I'd rather pass the time on a Party Bus rather than a utility van wouldnt you?