3 day sad mommy camp

ok here's the deal. My son is away for 3 days at camp on an island studing marine biology and having the time of his life. I'm weepy and irratable and knarly sad for my baby. Not having any way to call or check on him till he comes back. I'm petulant and not in a good mood.
God what am I going to do when he goes to college? Now I do indeed know why teens turn into monsters, it is so we dont feel like this and instead are so happy for the peace and quiet but right now I dont feel like that.
And if one more person at work tells me that I'm being silly and "but he's haveing fun" I will positively CHOKE them.
I dont care if he's having fun. Well duh I do and I'm glad but right now its about me and this huge chunk of sadness in my heart from missing my son.
And I read this post on Lauras blog about how no one will love her like her Lilly and I cried for like 2 hours and that made it even worse and she's so right.
I adore my son and he loves me like no other and my husband cant even fill that place.
I just want to hug him and call his cell phone and see his smiley face.
*sigh*

Purple Martinis

Well last Saturday I begged for babysitting and invited my husband out again.
I'm game for dancing and having a drink if he wants to do this now. He is all into the hip hop scene, swingin and swayin and grindin and groovin. I'm trying to keep up to him people. The man is in MOTION. I just want him to know as a partner that I am here, I am with him and I'm game for his adventure into the future.
Our son is baffled. The neighbors though we were going to a lounge not a hip hop club. My friends shriek and giggle "CLUBBING!!???" "YOU are Clubbing?" And they giggle some more until I have to show my booty swingin moves and they fall to the ground in writhing laughter.
Then I get shy and doubt this whole adventure I've taken. heh. But you know what? Friday night we were having ourselves a great "getting the groove on" time even though we were the officially oldest ones in the room including the freakin OWNER of the club.
I had 3 long island ice teas. It took THAT MANY TO get up the courage to try to imitate that booty swingin that goes on.
But when the lady came around to sell roses and little teddy bears, I got both.A white rose and a teddy bear that says "I Love You". Just like a young booty grinding date.
Did you read the part where I had 3 long island ice tea drinks?
I was sick all the next day.
My hip hurt and my knees needed some bengay creme.
My husband was all up and at'em and ready for work dressed to the nines by 10 am the next day and he had already gone out the night before too!!!

Oh.
And yes they had Purple Martinis. They were bitter.

Lets go Disco baby, LETS GO!

Ok so I dont know how many of you have been following along closely but if you have you will have taken note of the fact that my husband and I are going through somewhat of a transition period. We are readjusting to each other. We have a teen son in the house and this has made all kinds of changes in the perspective and attitude of the parental figures.
My husbands new interest lately has been in going out. I call it going out "out" to differentiate from regular going out. Going out as a family or going out to dinner versus going out "out" just the two of us. It has rarely happened. This is a very sad fact that I encourage no one else to let happen. Go out and go OFTEN with your spouse with out kids.
Now let me say this again. My husband has developed the current interest in going out "out". That means to the clubs. To Bars. To Bistros. To Danceclubs. To Dance. To Drink and to dance. Ok did you hear me? To dance. Back in the day they were called 'discos'. My husband before child days would say "Do you want to go to the disco?" and I'd reply yes (usually). Now they do NOT call them discos and when you go out often it is called clubbing. Back in the day; clubbing was something bad hunters did to the heads of bears. Clubbing nowadays is much different than going to the discos back in my day. It is a weekend sport that you do. It has rules today. Back in the day you just had to have cover charge and a nice black outfit and enough money for one drink. You stood or danced or talked or even danced with your girlfriends if without a guy.
Today you must be bootyliscious. TO JUST GET IN TO THE PLACE>
I'm a little plump but not tiny waisted and bootyliscious. I'm certainly not as boobyliscious as these girls are today either.
Boobaliscious. oh my. Did I just type that? yes! You must have a boobaliscious top on with a killer bra and tiny skirt and thigh high socks or something like that.
Something that shows tight cleavage of the boobs AND YOUR ASS! I cant believe how much cleavage below the belt was necessary for the outfit to be acceptable.
We went to a club together last Saturday night.
yuppers.
I have not often been invited to go with my husband and I asked him to take me out. He asked me to a downtown club and dinner before hand.
People I freaked like it was my first date.!!!
I got that son of mine an overnight sleepover plan in action faster than you could say...... um........... bootyliscious.
Then I dropped him off and went CRAZY all over town trying to find a cute/cool outfit that wouldnt date me nor make me look like a 42 year old in a juniors section outfit.
I ended up with a cute swingy black skirt, high heal black kick ass shoes and a cream halter top with gold threads running through it. It had a satin bow that tied up under the left breast. It was smokin hot on. I took hours with my hair and makeup and really put some "glam" on. I was so excited I was humming AND shaking.
My husband came home with FLOWERS!
shoot.
Flowers.
He took one look at that low cut halter and his eyeballs rolled around and you know what he said? " WHat is all this (waving hand in front of cleavage that hasnt seen daylight since I was in junior high) about?"
Lordy people did I giggle???!! I giggled from that moment on during the whole date.
We went to dinnner, he opened car doors and restaraunt doors for me. I felt like a Princess. I floated on his arm. I really really felt special.
We drove an hour to downtown and parked. Oh my there were many loooong lines of KIDS.
KIDS. OH MY GOD THEY ARE ALL KIDS waiting in line. We were like ancient folk. I bravely put my head up on high and stood by my Man like the proud woman I should be. See; in those lines is lots of men my mans age but with young chicklets. My Man was with an old henlet. I bravely tossed that halters satin bow about a bit more and stood with all the chicklets and waited for the door man to notice my um........... what did I think was going to get us in? ............ Let's See. hmmmmmmmmmm.
See? Now a days atclubs you wait in line unless you know someone inside to get you in or the door man lets you in if you are young, a chic, or have big boobs or a cute tattoo on your ass cleavage. Skirts and boots get you in IF you arent wearing a bra. I noticed that thongs were getting in pretty fast. I had Granny unders on with little hula girls, my maxx risque panties. Hey! What can I say? I didnt KNOW what got me in.... Not that I can do flosswipe on my hiney very well but I'd be game to try if I get to go out again.
You are not going to get into a downtown hot club if you are a guy, a group of guys, flat and ugly or are an older couple out on a date on a saturday night with a yen for the club life again. My husband actually asked the man how we could get into this disco. oh my we stood there a LONG time after that. DISCO? The door man's eyebrows stood up by themselves.
We stood there until there were no more people and we were the last ones. The doorman said "What ARE you waiting for? I'm not letting you in." I said. "We are waiting for you to soften your heart" He unhooked the fat velvet rope and let us in.
It is a whole new world of dancers when you go clubbing instead of going to the disco.
Lets just say that back in the day it was all about big boobs and shoulders swinging and swaying and now you aint nothin' lest you can swing that back end like there is a belly dancer living in your pants.
Good lordy people it took me three rum and cokes to just kind of bounce around amongst all that bootylisciousness. Boobies and booties aflyin and grindin. 4or 5 people all rubbing up and down on each other in some kindof vertical backscratching motion. I had to hold my drink with one hand and my jaw up with the other. I was bouncing and wiggling but I had to stare at hubby to stop from gawking. He was loving it but then it did seem to be a mans dream land kind of place. I swear that there was at least $40,000 worth of Victoria Secret Secrets being shared vividly all over the place.
I had fun. I really did. It was a magical and fun and delightful evening. It was really a wonderful date. We left there at 2, we got home at 3:30 AM . I am still giggling about what happened from 3:30 to 4:30.

I wrote my husband a thank you note yesterday. It WAS THAT GREAT OF A DATE.

Memories

Today is going to be a day of reflection and for many prayer.
A day of communal thoughts regarding terrorism and sorrow and healing. A day of talking about 9/11 and how it affected us.
It will be a long day of emotion.
May the collective thoughts of all of us world wide only further the healing for people who have lost loved ones due to the hand of evil.
I believe that all peoples have good and evil among them. It is only those evil people that should be hated, not any nationality, race, color or creed.
May those who are of a nationality that feel contempt from those who are ignorant receive comfort and peace and love from those who do know better. May those who are ignorant haters actually pay attention today and realize that prejudice is only ignorance and fear and they have nothing to fear.
May the fanatics realize that their higher power wishes them to be peaceful not vengeful.
May all of us realize that today is a lesson day, not a sorrowful day.
Never love anything to the point that you feel it necessary to kill everyone to have enough power to get it.

Wrinkle Free

One day about 2 years ago it was pouring rain outside and that made all the kids in the neighborhood come pouring in the house ready to play inside. They were wet and steamy and loud and bored.
After they bounced from games to videos to the computer to the sons room and back again they were really really bored.
I was cleaning house and frantic about the laundry getting done. It was a Saturday and I insist on house cleaning/laundry chores to be accomplished and finished on Saturdays. I was stepping over and around and through children and the house was so vastly untidied faster than I could go back around again and tidy it. All the "vacuum lines" of a freshly vacuumed house were obliterated and it all looked exactly as it did the day before cleaning day and I was getting peeved.
I was just about ready to demand they all go to their individual homes when my son came to me and asked me if they could all play a game of in house "hide and seek". I at first said "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" and then of course after much wheedling and whining and cajoling I caved.
It was a bad idea. First they were hiding in our bedrooms. They were in the coat closets, they were under the beds, they were in spare rooms, they were everywhere and into everything and I set some rules down after I found a kid in my room with all the ironing dumped out of the hamper unto their head to "camouflage" themselves. HUH oh! I had it with kids all over and into everything. So I yelled "ONE MORE ROUND of HIDING and that's it!!!"
I scooped up the last heap of dirty clothes to be washed, went downstairs to the laundry room. Opened the washer and saw that there were still wet clothes in there so opened up the dryer. As I opened the dryer door, my sons head pokes out and he yells. "BWWAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAA" really loud in my face from the dryer.
I simutaneously grabbed him by the collar and screamed bloody murder. Tears were coursing down my cheeks and I became breathlessly speechless. The anger and terror beating in my heart overpowered my senses until I literally just saw red. I grabbed that 11 year old kid and threw him from the dryer. I did this all simutaneusly in like about 5 seconds. Scream, grab, throw, cry, shake and press my hand over my beating/pounding heart. All at the same time.
I start screaming at him "WHAT were you thinking???!!! HIDING IN THE DRYER IS DANGEROUS!!" I was so scared for him and angry and scared from the scaring that he did with the "BWWAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA" that I couldn't do anything but knee jerk reaction yelling.
How could he be that dumb to actually hide and close the door of the dryer, what if I'd assumed there were clothes in there and pushed the on button again.
It literally terrified me to the point of my crying and shaking and yelling it over and over, "WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Oh and did I mention that this all went on with about 9 kids staring at the wild woman with the spittle and white foam coming out of her mouth?
He kept saying "sorry mommy" "sorry" but It took a good 1/2 hour for the shaking hiney scrunching terrors to go away.
Later on after everything settled down, kids all gone, my son sitting on couch watching TV, I went in to talk to him about the dangers that little hiding place posed and I "yadda yadda..... dangerous.........heat......tossing and turning....blah blah blah....broken arms.....high temps... door locked.....yadda yadda yaddad..." til his eyes glazed over.
I inhaled a breath and he interjected with;
"Yeah, but you were so scared huh? I SO GOT YOU!"

College Madam

That would be my Mother.
The College Madam.
The school Grandma.
The cool cat Granny.

My Mother who decided to go to college and university at the ripe old age of Grandmotherhood. My Mom. Yes. That would be my MOM.
This year she is living away from home in a dorm. Her university is too far of a drive. Her children are all up in arms over this. I, the oldest, am appalled. The youngest of my siblings is also apalled. This is just plain shocking to all of us, and we talk constantly about it.
She loves it. She is in her element. She is getting a kick out of going home with her sack of laundry and leaving her dorm all tidy for the weekend home. 3 days later, packing up her car with her books, laptop, and fresh clothes and heading off to school Monday Morning for the week. She loves to study and learn and contribute and write essays and be a part of college life. It has become her career and she is career oriented. A learning career.
Most who encounter her are charmed and proud and greatly impressed. I am ashamed.
Perhaps because I am jealous.
Perhaps though I just want the attention back on us kids and her grandkids where it should be. I am impressed by her but not as proud of her as she would like. She is hurt by this I know. I just shake my head and wish she'd crochet afghans and sew pretty bed quilts and just bake and cook and nurture us. Shis isnt this kind of Grandma however.
Most who hear of her success and dedication are apalled by my disdain. They are envious of her courage and drive. Yes me too I proclaim but I want chocolate chip cookies and Sunday dinners instead. ( Do you hear the whining child in me proclaiming "yeah but..."?)I want my Mom to have a cuddly lap for my son and crocheted slippers to give him. I want recipie sharing and I dont want to hear about her book list and study programs and how she did on her tests, I want her to be thinking about homey things and Grandma things.
I am measuring my Mother by a different yardstick. I am measuring her by my own needs and yearnings. I cant help it. I truly cant get over it. I want to, kind of, because I want to be truly proud of her independance and her absolute determination to finish what she started and I want to be in awe of her smartness and her cleverness. I try. I listen. I hear her. I hear that she is indeed a strong woman and a woman of this century who is going for what she wants and not letting stigma tamp her down. She is attaining what most wish for. She is indeed amazing.My head knows this but my heart has to catch up.
I called home yesterday since I knew she would be home. She was just arriving and kidding and joking around with my Dad. I feel so bad for my Dad. He tells us that without my Mom there to tell him to turn off the tv set and go to bed he nods off and sleeps in his chair until he gets so stiff that he wakes up cold and sore. Then in the wee hours he drags himself to bed. He has learned how to Instant message and my Mom instant messages him while he eats his dinner. How pathetic I think. But they are laughing and he says he is ok with it. He enjoys coming home from his work and setting the table up for my Mom on Fridays. Making her dinner and seeing her arrive in the door. Writing her emails and hearing about her adventures. I think he hates it too but he gets a kick out of my Mom. He realizes she is determined and he has accepted that he cant stand in her way.
I need to adjust to this new picture.
I need to accept the reality of my Mom being the kind of Grandma that she needs to be and not the one I need her to be.

Tooth Achies

Sorry I havent kept up on my blog after getting such a great running re-start. I had part 3 of the Great Re-Excavation of Root Canal done last week and I'm grouchy and overworked at the same time. Blogging or thinking of what to blog that is remotely funny or snickerable is beyond my scope of imagination right now.

Other than the nagging migraine in my temporarily capped tooth all is just peachy.

Yeah.

so.

Carry on............... Let me not bother you with the triffles of my irritations....

Happy Labor Day weekend to you all btw. I hope that your teeth arent aching and your family is fully equipped to have the best last barbeque of the year and you are relaxin and chillin and having a grand ol time.

I'll just sit here and drool and baby my tooth achies..............

*sigh*

County Fair

Saturday night we went to the County Fair in town. If there is one thing you must know about me is that I love the Fair. I love everything. I go into "Gawker Mode" and just drink in the atmosphere. As usual this is because of a childhood memory that the fair was an event of wonder. Just delicious childhood memories. I love the Fair.

As usual it was a hodge-podge of human flesh. All sorts of human flesh. All sorts of smells mingled with all sorts of things to gawk at. Smells of caramel corn and wood smoked sausage. Cotton candy and grease. Lots of missing teeth. Those people really should invest in a traveling dentist.

We went to the animals first. Tried to get into the pigs but it was closed. I really do love the pigs bestest and was sad.

Then on to the cows.
Then the goats and chickens and other Fowl.

Pigeons. Didn't realize there were so many kinds of pigeons to check out. Miles of pigeons in cages. All kinds of pigeons. All colors of pigeons. Pigeons with lots of poofy feathered heads or feet. Pigeons who looked like oil puddle colors (like an oil rainbow). Interesting. My son liked the pigeons but gagged and ran out due to his 13 year old freshly developed gag "ewwww that's gross complex". Actually he made all kinds of faces and gag noises and just generally was an embarrassment.
Then to the other areas of farm type animals. Then back to stare hungrily at the pigs that we couldn't get to.

We saw all the cute 4-Hr's in their white uniforms with their green ties and hats on. Interesting mix of 4-Hrs.

4-H is a program where by your child can learn the value of caring for something and responsibility through the rigors of raising animals. From beginning to end. It is like boy scouts with out the knots and campfires. You are awarded for your passing of certain criteria each year. Good structured program.

The parents are an eclectic mix of real cowboy, farm folk, pretty cowboys who wanna be real cow boys and real down and dirty real animal lovers who look sun toughened and hard core country folk.

Then you see the yuppy folk. The ones who live right out side of town and enjoy the see-saw of town life, and enjoy their green lawns due to the sprinkler system, yet brag about their one horse lot and the pot bellied pig they keep as a pet.

But their kid is in 4-H. Yup that would be Mr. and Mrs Klein. I saw by their name tag that she was Anne and he was Calvin.
I was checking out Mr. Kleins nice name tag and Mrs Klein busted me and gave me a viscous dirty look.

HEY! Its not my freakin fault the guy displays his name tag on the butt of his khaki pants.

And then right next to them Dr. Docker was helping his kid put baby oil all over their pig. And let me tell you that this family was so proud of their name that they had name tags alllllllllllllllll over their shirts and pants. Lots of Dockers were at the fair.

But Dr. Dockor was displaying an extra name tag that said "Land's End" so maybe that's where they come from? Interesting; all those khaki pants and shorts with name tags.
In the goat pen I saw a lot of the Levi family. They had big leather name tags on their butts. I expected Levi's to be very devout religious folk but these Levi's sure didn't seem very pious. They wore snake skin, gator skit, leather and spit brown liquid far far ahead of where they were walkin' and talkin'. Swore a lot too these people with the Levi name tags. All wore nice cowboy hats though. Hmm

Thing I thought interestin' 'bout this family tho was that they must really practice strict bladder control, perhaps it is part of their religion? I know they all have thick big bladders cuz I'll tell you that if that was me in those jeans they wear with those five buttons down the front 'stead of zippers I would be standin' in a puddle by the time I got them undone.

*Chortle*, Yeeeeeeeee-Hawwww!

I saw the Hilfiger family in the rock tent we went to to cut the geode. The Hilfigers are very patriotic. They had little red and blue flag name tags. The whole family was very good looking and I liked their red and blue outfits.
Except it was really really strange that every single one of them was named Tommy, except one cute girl of about 15 who had a shirt on that said GUESS. I got real excited cuz I had a great guess and leaned over and shouted. "AMY!" and I guess that was the wrong guess cuz they packed up and left.

Shucks. I wouldn't wear a shirt that said GUESS unless I wanted people to really take a guess!!!

I ate like a pig, I got so hungry for some strange reason!! I ate barbecue, cotton candy, popcorn, a polish sausage, probably something else which I cant remember, but I'm sure I haven't eaten that much in a week!!!!! Fair food is a whole different kind of good food.

The concert was too loud and too long and everyone stood on the benches so that you couldn't see worth crap unless you yourself tottered up on the bench seat and that kind of ticked me off but our son was reveling in the whole experience, so we just went with the flow......
He was most interested in the games this year, the ones you pay $5 for 3 balls and never win. Until they see Dad with cash and then they let you win one little one so that Dad will get competitive to win the bigger prizes and then spend more cash. This was the first year Dad and son got competitive. They got three kills for mom. 3 stuffed toys worth a total of 10$. They was done proud of themselves, yup uh huh.
All in all it was quite the experience going with a 13 year old this year!

I sure do love the fair.

It puts all of my life into perspective. focus. I'm so over thinking my life sucks.

One look at those men and woman running those games and you just know that that is what your parents mean by "Dont talk to strangers".

Blonde moment

I have to tell on myself. I just have to cuz this is priceless "me" stuff that always happens. I joke that God smotes me for the things I do sometimes.

Ok here is the grand confession.

Yesterday was Saturday. duh you know that but what you don't know is that in this house Saturday is chore day. I clean like crazy and do laundry and my son has a chore list and is expected to contribute to this family by doing his chore list in a mild and giving manner. No allowance is given for this list, this is just normal contribution to the daily workings of a household, he gets paid for extra work like doing all my filing and paper shredding, crap jobs that are not normal household maintenance. I started the list since he was like 5 with easy stuff like probably if I remember, picking up toys and silverware and now he's 13 and its morphed to include pooper scooping and dusting and hauling trash out etc. Well there has hardly ever been any moaning and groaning until he hit around 12 and then it became a struggle. I have maintained the stance that if you don't chore you don't play on Saturdays but if he clean and laundry and do all these things in a manner that is not dawdling then we usually go out for a late lunch and movie or movie and dinner. Well my son woke up yesterday, no actually to be truthful he started out the day on the wrong foot with me because he refused to get up it spiraled downhill from there until I was frothing at the mouth and stomping around waving his dirty towels around proclaiming that I wasn't his personal butler.
Then for his extra job, I needed him to put new ink cartridges in the printer so that I could print some vacation pics.
Then with all his grumbling I elbowed him out of the way and started another rant.
Let me be the first to admit that when Im on a rant and rave roll, I have a longgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg list of things to heave off the ol' chest so I was a rantin and ravin and spewing forth and basically told my son he could just watch his Momma whip that ol printer in shape faster than he could and he was messing up how to do it and blah blah blah. He kept trying to reach for the ink and then the paper and then kept interrupting my tirade. I kept elbowing and shushing. Loud shushing with the whole finger motion too.
I loaded the photo paper in and hit "PRINT" and stomped off, he followed me going."But Mom,....." and I kept whipping around shouting "I do NOT want to hear what you have to say, GO UPSTAIRS and CLEAN that mess up there in that BATHROOM NOW!!!" and he tried again. "But MOM!..." and I gave him my most evil eyed Mother is mad stare and he went back up stairs to do his bathroom chores.
Silent. Remorseful.
I was victorious.
I had won this battle of the belligerent mouthy teen and made him shut up.

Late last night when we got home from being out, I went to go see how my 204 printed photos on 52 pages turned out with delicious anticipation.
Every single one was printed on the backside of the photo paper. backside of the photo paper.
Dull side up photos.
God what did I do???

My son in a quiet shrugging way said "I tried to tell you but you didn't want to hear it remember?"

Poo Balls

Ok you all might have noticed that I used to have a blurb on the top box about my dog and the shampooing habits of me on that dog.
Yes my dog gets poop balls that hang onto his hair on his rear. He is an inside dog. He is part Maltese, Shitzu and Poodle. No dog of mine is coming in with poo on his rear. If I let him suffer outside he cries so piteously that my neighbors think that I'm squeezing him so therefore I have a dog washing bucket outside and I constantly am washing the dog. I recently heard its because he is part poodle and poodle's are poo ballers.
Dogs like my breed feel bad about the Poo Balls waving on the hiney and will eat them off if you make them stay outside because the poo balls waving shames and disgusts the master. My dog is actually humiliated when I say "YUK!! YOU ARE NOT COMING IN THIS HOUSE WITH THAT SH*** ON YOU" and he slinks away with head and tail down and will try to groom his hiney in accordance with my expectations.
Well the only thing worse to me than seeing Poo Balls on my dog when he wants to come in after relieving himself is watching him EAT them off his butt.
*sigh*
So I get the huge bucket and fill it with one small bucket of water and 3 of cool and then wash. Seeing me wash the dog's ass embarrasses and disgusts my 13 year old.
He gags. He ewwwwws and eeeeeeks. This irritates me and causes blood to pump at maximum speed through my veins. Then I start in on the lectures. You know, the ones all about how I was raised on a farm in North Dakota and we had to scrub sh** every day from barns and had to do chore and walk 5 miles to school and blah blah blah.
He slinks away and then I finish the dog.

One time my son was really deathly ill with the flu and high fever and my dog got diarrhea the same day. I spent 2 days sponging down my son with tepid water and then washing down the dog. I was exhausted and beyond frustrated and at one point forgot who I was washing or sponging. To get the dog to stay outside longer I was giving him the training liver treats in a Kong (Hard plastic thing you put treats in to keep them busy trying to get them out). The dog was just leaking poo, way past poo ball stage. I finally after 2 days figured out that it just might be the liver treats. As soon as I stopped them he stopped leaking crap.

I now ask the groomers to shave a perfect 1 1/2 inch square around his hiney. This alleviates most poo balls. He looks like a white monkey with a nekkid bumm but who cares, I'm not washing him every day and there is less poo balls waving on his back end like bells on a tambourine.

Clothesline

You will notice some changes on here. I started this blog in a lighthearted manner long ago (over a year) so that probably like you, I could post my 2cents worth on comments sections on other peoples blogs.
Then I started venting on my blog. Talking about things that were deeply wounding to me and then I realized that that isnt what I want. I do not want my blog to be like dirty laundry hung on a clothesline. I want all my laundry to be on the clothesline all washed and sunkissed, air dried and smelling like sunshine and fresh cut grass. I want to come here to my blog and see all the good smelling laundry. All the good stuff.
I feel a little Pollyannish today and I regret if there were commments that poofed that you all found dear to your heart but I had to do it. For my own sake.
So yeah this post will probably be later edited too but I thought I'd let you know.

None today for the tooth fairy!

Well today is the day I've been dreading for about a month. My heart is just pounding. I feel sweaty but cold and I cant think past 10:30.
10:30 is my dental appt. I'm not good with dentists. With novacaine or even that water/air suctiony thing that gags me. Just thinking about the dentist gives me the dry heaves. And whats with that dentisty smell they pipe into the waiting room to make your eyeballs roll around before its even your turn to sit in the chair with the paper over the head rest in case you get hair grease and bugs all over the faux leather furniture.
Today is my double whammy root cannal. canal? Today they uncap and excavate the old root canal and I get the skin removed that somehow covered a bit of the cap trying to get in and under it. It is all so gross and unbelievabley horrendous. Seems some monsters got under the cap they put on the root canal and now the big ones are eating the little ones and the war is too violent so they need to obliterate the whole thing. BUT they will chip away at the nastiest part and save most of the tooth so I can still have a good back chomper.
Lordy people I just cant stand to think about the amount of shots of novacaine this will take.
But the blessing is that my dentist is an awesome man and he gave me some golden pills. These golden pills taken 1/2 hour before my appointment promises to have me singing and dancing and feeling like the world is indeed a blessed place to have my teeth excavated.
Wish me well

I've been tagged, snagged and now bagged.

1. A friend who has blessed me: is my friend who listens to my rants and panics and tells me to just simmer down. I deal with much daily drama and she weeds through my dramatics to let me know just what is really worth the panic or not.

2. An unexpected gift: I recieved was my husband who got me a card last month for no reason. Long story of course but short version: We were in a store and it was determined that we had to go to the restroom. Ok so he says he has to go to the bathroom so we all troup into the restrooms, I come out and my H and S are no where to be found. I go all ballistic mad and start ranting and waving my arms in an irritated manner. My son comes up to me WITHOUT HIS FATHER in a huge store and I ask "Where is YOUR FATHER?" see, you can tell Im mad cuz I didnt say, "hey, honey where is your dad at?" nope, I'm all into capitals and formal versions. "Where is YOUR FATHER?" and my son shrugs. SHRUGS!!! omg so now I;m REALLY steamed. My husband DARES to wander away from his son in a huge store. OH! he was gonna hear some choice words from me!!! So I whip my self around and I start frantically searching for my H and then my son WANDERS away and now I've LOST him again!!! I started to hyperventilate kind of in panic/anger and then I hear my son yell "Dad!" and then my husband comes around the corner and I was so angered that I litterally lost all capacity to speak. You just dont leave your underage son wandering around from a public restroom and HE KNOWS THAT and I thought to myself "oh my god, this MLC has him even putting our son in jepordy just cuz he is uncomfortable with people knowing he has a teenage son" so I was so very mad and flounced myself all the way to the car with my eyeballs rolling and my arms at soldier position. REAlly steamed. We get to the car and my husband puts his hand on my arm and I shrug/fling it off and he hands me this card. They are both standing there with shit eating grins on their face. The whole time I was going into panic hyperdrive was a set up between husband and son. The card display was right outside the bathrooms and husband decided to get me a card to kind of say sorry and I love you through all this MLC crap we are going through and cooked up a scheme of they didnt know where each other was to give H time to buy and write JUST IN CASE I HAVENT SAID IT LATELY I LOVE YOU in the card. I started crying. Crying hard. It really really really really suprised me. The sentiment even more than my original anger. We've been going through some really really tough crap and then to have that card handed me was pure joy. My heart actually pained me with how much joy it brought.

3. A kind word shared with me recently: Many. But recently my SIL told me that I wasnt valued as much as I should be and that made my day.

5. Something I'm looking forward to: The end of working too hard and retirement. But most of all I look forward to holding grandbabies.

6. A particular part of me I'm pleased with: My inner strength and forgiveness.

7. Something in my life that I wanted but never expected: An amazing child. Just amazing.

8. A place that moved/moves me: My Grandmothers house. On the day we left last I went to her top drawer and touched her underthings, saying good bye. The smell and touch of her socks, slips, underthings sent shivers up and down my body and I wept the largest wettest tears in her honor.

9. One thing/person that always makes me smile: The music from "Wicked" the theatre production. Person? my brothers daughter.

10. Most recent "love note" from God: ok this one stumps me. Love note from God? I've been feeling smoted by God lately not exactly recieving any love notes. LOVE NOTES????

11. Do I win anything? No, No I didnt win anything. The last thing I won was a cookie jar from a charity auction on line. A friend cut off all her hair for the Locks for Love and she had also a charity auction for her favorite pet charities. I love the cookie jar by the way.

I'm not tagging anyone.

Home

Well after 17 days my hubby came home safe and sound. Its an adjustment giving up the barriers and the toughness and the power. heh. But its so wonderful to snuugle and cuddle and love once again. I hate being seperate, hate the lone rooms and the way I am desperate for him. I think I realize everytime he goes away that I'm not that independant and the sucky thing is that I dont WANT to be independant. How disgusting is that? I hate it but then I dont hate it when I caress his face and feel his breath on my cheek, when I feel him taking over and life is back in its regular niche. I say to myself that independance isnt all its cracked up to be. Besides I hate taking out the trash. And I like seeing his slow lazy smiles directed at me with his twinkly eyes.
Alls good in this Pixies world.
Its all back to normal and normal is good.

PurePixie

Sweet Dreams Meme

Monday Meme 7 : 2005-07-04 : Sweet Dreams

1. What do you wear to bed? Do you share a bed with anyone?

t-shirt style nightgown. Yes. My husband and usually a kid.

2. How many hours of sleep do you get per night on average? How much sleep do you need to feel 100% rested?

8.7.

3. Describe your bed... What kind of sheets do you have? Is there a headboard? What does it face?

Bed is queen sized. old. Sheets are floral and matching. cover is a duvet with old bedspread in it. There is a headboard and footboard which I broke by moving it one month after getting the bed. The bed faces the tv unit.

4. Do you watch TV in bed? Do you read in bed? Any other non-sleep activities?

rarely. yes every night I have to read, even a few sentences. Yes of course there are other non sleep activities, that is how I ended up with the kid in bed with my and hubby.

5. What environment do you need to sleep comfortably (sounds, temperature, darkness, etc...)?

pitch black dark, silent. no people or kids or pets in the room.

I was the 685th person to take this week's Monday Meme!