Monday, August 28, 2006

County Fair

Saturday night we went to the County Fair in town. If there is one thing you must know about me is that I love the Fair. I love everything. I go into "Gawker Mode" and just drink in the atmosphere. As usual this is because of a childhood memory that the fair was an event of wonder. Just delicious childhood memories. I love the Fair.

As usual it was a hodge-podge of human flesh. All sorts of human flesh. All sorts of smells mingled with all sorts of things to gawk at. Smells of caramel corn and wood smoked sausage. Cotton candy and grease. Lots of missing teeth. Those people really should invest in a traveling dentist.

We went to the animals first. Tried to get into the pigs but it was closed. I really do love the pigs bestest and was sad.

Then on to the cows.
Then the goats and chickens and other Fowl.

Pigeons. Didn't realize there were so many kinds of pigeons to check out. Miles of pigeons in cages. All kinds of pigeons. All colors of pigeons. Pigeons with lots of poofy feathered heads or feet. Pigeons who looked like oil puddle colors (like an oil rainbow). Interesting. My son liked the pigeons but gagged and ran out due to his 13 year old freshly developed gag "ewwww that's gross complex". Actually he made all kinds of faces and gag noises and just generally was an embarrassment.
Then to the other areas of farm type animals. Then back to stare hungrily at the pigs that we couldn't get to.

We saw all the cute 4-Hr's in their white uniforms with their green ties and hats on. Interesting mix of 4-Hrs.

4-H is a program where by your child can learn the value of caring for something and responsibility through the rigors of raising animals. From beginning to end. It is like boy scouts with out the knots and campfires. You are awarded for your passing of certain criteria each year. Good structured program.

The parents are an eclectic mix of real cowboy, farm folk, pretty cowboys who wanna be real cow boys and real down and dirty real animal lovers who look sun toughened and hard core country folk.

Then you see the yuppy folk. The ones who live right out side of town and enjoy the see-saw of town life, and enjoy their green lawns due to the sprinkler system, yet brag about their one horse lot and the pot bellied pig they keep as a pet.

But their kid is in 4-H. Yup that would be Mr. and Mrs Klein. I saw by their name tag that she was Anne and he was Calvin.
I was checking out Mr. Kleins nice name tag and Mrs Klein busted me and gave me a viscous dirty look.

HEY! Its not my freakin fault the guy displays his name tag on the butt of his khaki pants.

And then right next to them Dr. Docker was helping his kid put baby oil all over their pig. And let me tell you that this family was so proud of their name that they had name tags alllllllllllllllll over their shirts and pants. Lots of Dockers were at the fair.

But Dr. Dockor was displaying an extra name tag that said "Land's End" so maybe that's where they come from? Interesting; all those khaki pants and shorts with name tags.
In the goat pen I saw a lot of the Levi family. They had big leather name tags on their butts. I expected Levi's to be very devout religious folk but these Levi's sure didn't seem very pious. They wore snake skin, gator skit, leather and spit brown liquid far far ahead of where they were walkin' and talkin'. Swore a lot too these people with the Levi name tags. All wore nice cowboy hats though. Hmm

Thing I thought interestin' 'bout this family tho was that they must really practice strict bladder control, perhaps it is part of their religion? I know they all have thick big bladders cuz I'll tell you that if that was me in those jeans they wear with those five buttons down the front 'stead of zippers I would be standin' in a puddle by the time I got them undone.

*Chortle*, Yeeeeeeeee-Hawwww!

I saw the Hilfiger family in the rock tent we went to to cut the geode. The Hilfigers are very patriotic. They had little red and blue flag name tags. The whole family was very good looking and I liked their red and blue outfits.
Except it was really really strange that every single one of them was named Tommy, except one cute girl of about 15 who had a shirt on that said GUESS. I got real excited cuz I had a great guess and leaned over and shouted. "AMY!" and I guess that was the wrong guess cuz they packed up and left.

Shucks. I wouldn't wear a shirt that said GUESS unless I wanted people to really take a guess!!!

I ate like a pig, I got so hungry for some strange reason!! I ate barbecue, cotton candy, popcorn, a polish sausage, probably something else which I cant remember, but I'm sure I haven't eaten that much in a week!!!!! Fair food is a whole different kind of good food.

The concert was too loud and too long and everyone stood on the benches so that you couldn't see worth crap unless you yourself tottered up on the bench seat and that kind of ticked me off but our son was reveling in the whole experience, so we just went with the flow......
He was most interested in the games this year, the ones you pay $5 for 3 balls and never win. Until they see Dad with cash and then they let you win one little one so that Dad will get competitive to win the bigger prizes and then spend more cash. This was the first year Dad and son got competitive. They got three kills for mom. 3 stuffed toys worth a total of 10$. They was done proud of themselves, yup uh huh.
All in all it was quite the experience going with a 13 year old this year!

I sure do love the fair.

It puts all of my life into perspective. focus. I'm so over thinking my life sucks.

One look at those men and woman running those games and you just know that that is what your parents mean by "Dont talk to strangers".

Sunday, August 27, 2006

Blonde moment

I have to tell on myself. I just have to cuz this is priceless "me" stuff that always happens. I joke that God smotes me for the things I do sometimes.

Ok here is the grand confession.

Yesterday was Saturday. duh you know that but what you don't know is that in this house Saturday is chore day. I clean like crazy and do laundry and my son has a chore list and is expected to contribute to this family by doing his chore list in a mild and giving manner. No allowance is given for this list, this is just normal contribution to the daily workings of a household, he gets paid for extra work like doing all my filing and paper shredding, crap jobs that are not normal household maintenance. I started the list since he was like 5 with easy stuff like probably if I remember, picking up toys and silverware and now he's 13 and its morphed to include pooper scooping and dusting and hauling trash out etc. Well there has hardly ever been any moaning and groaning until he hit around 12 and then it became a struggle. I have maintained the stance that if you don't chore you don't play on Saturdays but if he clean and laundry and do all these things in a manner that is not dawdling then we usually go out for a late lunch and movie or movie and dinner. Well my son woke up yesterday, no actually to be truthful he started out the day on the wrong foot with me because he refused to get up it spiraled downhill from there until I was frothing at the mouth and stomping around waving his dirty towels around proclaiming that I wasn't his personal butler.
Then for his extra job, I needed him to put new ink cartridges in the printer so that I could print some vacation pics.
Then with all his grumbling I elbowed him out of the way and started another rant.
Let me be the first to admit that when Im on a rant and rave roll, I have a longgggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg list of things to heave off the ol' chest so I was a rantin and ravin and spewing forth and basically told my son he could just watch his Momma whip that ol printer in shape faster than he could and he was messing up how to do it and blah blah blah. He kept trying to reach for the ink and then the paper and then kept interrupting my tirade. I kept elbowing and shushing. Loud shushing with the whole finger motion too.
I loaded the photo paper in and hit "PRINT" and stomped off, he followed me going."But Mom,....." and I kept whipping around shouting "I do NOT want to hear what you have to say, GO UPSTAIRS and CLEAN that mess up there in that BATHROOM NOW!!!" and he tried again. "But MOM!..." and I gave him my most evil eyed Mother is mad stare and he went back up stairs to do his bathroom chores.
Silent. Remorseful.
I was victorious.
I had won this battle of the belligerent mouthy teen and made him shut up.

Late last night when we got home from being out, I went to go see how my 204 printed photos on 52 pages turned out with delicious anticipation.
Every single one was printed on the backside of the photo paper. backside of the photo paper.
Dull side up photos.
God what did I do???

My son in a quiet shrugging way said "I tried to tell you but you didn't want to hear it remember?"

Saturday, August 26, 2006

Poo Balls

Ok you all might have noticed that I used to have a blurb on the top box about my dog and the shampooing habits of me on that dog.
Yes my dog gets poop balls that hang onto his hair on his rear. He is an inside dog. He is part Maltese, Shitzu and Poodle. No dog of mine is coming in with poo on his rear. If I let him suffer outside he cries so piteously that my neighbors think that I'm squeezing him so therefore I have a dog washing bucket outside and I constantly am washing the dog. I recently heard its because he is part poodle and poodle's are poo ballers.
Dogs like my breed feel bad about the Poo Balls waving on the hiney and will eat them off if you make them stay outside because the poo balls waving shames and disgusts the master. My dog is actually humiliated when I say "YUK!! YOU ARE NOT COMING IN THIS HOUSE WITH THAT SH*** ON YOU" and he slinks away with head and tail down and will try to groom his hiney in accordance with my expectations.
Well the only thing worse to me than seeing Poo Balls on my dog when he wants to come in after relieving himself is watching him EAT them off his butt.
So I get the huge bucket and fill it with one small bucket of water and 3 of cool and then wash. Seeing me wash the dog's ass embarrasses and disgusts my 13 year old.
He gags. He ewwwwws and eeeeeeks. This irritates me and causes blood to pump at maximum speed through my veins. Then I start in on the lectures. You know, the ones all about how I was raised on a farm in North Dakota and we had to scrub sh** every day from barns and had to do chore and walk 5 miles to school and blah blah blah.
He slinks away and then I finish the dog.

One time my son was really deathly ill with the flu and high fever and my dog got diarrhea the same day. I spent 2 days sponging down my son with tepid water and then washing down the dog. I was exhausted and beyond frustrated and at one point forgot who I was washing or sponging. To get the dog to stay outside longer I was giving him the training liver treats in a Kong (Hard plastic thing you put treats in to keep them busy trying to get them out). The dog was just leaking poo, way past poo ball stage. I finally after 2 days figured out that it just might be the liver treats. As soon as I stopped them he stopped leaking crap.

I now ask the groomers to shave a perfect 1 1/2 inch square around his hiney. This alleviates most poo balls. He looks like a white monkey with a nekkid bumm but who cares, I'm not washing him every day and there is less poo balls waving on his back end like bells on a tambourine.


You will notice some changes on here. I started this blog in a lighthearted manner long ago (over a year) so that probably like you, I could post my 2cents worth on comments sections on other peoples blogs.
Then I started venting on my blog. Talking about things that were deeply wounding to me and then I realized that that isnt what I want. I do not want my blog to be like dirty laundry hung on a clothesline. I want all my laundry to be on the clothesline all washed and sunkissed, air dried and smelling like sunshine and fresh cut grass. I want to come here to my blog and see all the good smelling laundry. All the good stuff.
I feel a little Pollyannish today and I regret if there were commments that poofed that you all found dear to your heart but I had to do it. For my own sake.
So yeah this post will probably be later edited too but I thought I'd let you know.

Friday, August 18, 2006

None today for the tooth fairy!

Well today is the day I've been dreading for about a month. My heart is just pounding. I feel sweaty but cold and I cant think past 10:30.
10:30 is my dental appt. I'm not good with dentists. With novacaine or even that water/air suctiony thing that gags me. Just thinking about the dentist gives me the dry heaves. And whats with that dentisty smell they pipe into the waiting room to make your eyeballs roll around before its even your turn to sit in the chair with the paper over the head rest in case you get hair grease and bugs all over the faux leather furniture.
Today is my double whammy root cannal. canal? Today they uncap and excavate the old root canal and I get the skin removed that somehow covered a bit of the cap trying to get in and under it. It is all so gross and unbelievabley horrendous. Seems some monsters got under the cap they put on the root canal and now the big ones are eating the little ones and the war is too violent so they need to obliterate the whole thing. BUT they will chip away at the nastiest part and save most of the tooth so I can still have a good back chomper.
Lordy people I just cant stand to think about the amount of shots of novacaine this will take.
But the blessing is that my dentist is an awesome man and he gave me some golden pills. These golden pills taken 1/2 hour before my appointment promises to have me singing and dancing and feeling like the world is indeed a blessed place to have my teeth excavated.
Wish me well

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

I've been tagged, snagged and now bagged.

1. A friend who has blessed me: is my friend who listens to my rants and panics and tells me to just simmer down. I deal with much daily drama and she weeds through my dramatics to let me know just what is really worth the panic or not.

2. An unexpected gift: I recieved was my husband who got me a card last month for no reason. Long story of course but short version: We were in a store and it was determined that we had to go to the restroom. Ok so he says he has to go to the bathroom so we all troup into the restrooms, I come out and my H and S are no where to be found. I go all ballistic mad and start ranting and waving my arms in an irritated manner. My son comes up to me WITHOUT HIS FATHER in a huge store and I ask "Where is YOUR FATHER?" see, you can tell Im mad cuz I didnt say, "hey, honey where is your dad at?" nope, I'm all into capitals and formal versions. "Where is YOUR FATHER?" and my son shrugs. SHRUGS!!! omg so now I;m REALLY steamed. My husband DARES to wander away from his son in a huge store. OH! he was gonna hear some choice words from me!!! So I whip my self around and I start frantically searching for my H and then my son WANDERS away and now I've LOST him again!!! I started to hyperventilate kind of in panic/anger and then I hear my son yell "Dad!" and then my husband comes around the corner and I was so angered that I litterally lost all capacity to speak. You just dont leave your underage son wandering around from a public restroom and HE KNOWS THAT and I thought to myself "oh my god, this MLC has him even putting our son in jepordy just cuz he is uncomfortable with people knowing he has a teenage son" so I was so very mad and flounced myself all the way to the car with my eyeballs rolling and my arms at soldier position. REAlly steamed. We get to the car and my husband puts his hand on my arm and I shrug/fling it off and he hands me this card. They are both standing there with shit eating grins on their face. The whole time I was going into panic hyperdrive was a set up between husband and son. The card display was right outside the bathrooms and husband decided to get me a card to kind of say sorry and I love you through all this MLC crap we are going through and cooked up a scheme of they didnt know where each other was to give H time to buy and write JUST IN CASE I HAVENT SAID IT LATELY I LOVE YOU in the card. I started crying. Crying hard. It really really really really suprised me. The sentiment even more than my original anger. We've been going through some really really tough crap and then to have that card handed me was pure joy. My heart actually pained me with how much joy it brought.

3. A kind word shared with me recently: Many. But recently my SIL told me that I wasnt valued as much as I should be and that made my day.

5. Something I'm looking forward to: The end of working too hard and retirement. But most of all I look forward to holding grandbabies.

6. A particular part of me I'm pleased with: My inner strength and forgiveness.

7. Something in my life that I wanted but never expected: An amazing child. Just amazing.

8. A place that moved/moves me: My Grandmothers house. On the day we left last I went to her top drawer and touched her underthings, saying good bye. The smell and touch of her socks, slips, underthings sent shivers up and down my body and I wept the largest wettest tears in her honor.

9. One thing/person that always makes me smile: The music from "Wicked" the theatre production. Person? my brothers daughter.

10. Most recent "love note" from God: ok this one stumps me. Love note from God? I've been feeling smoted by God lately not exactly recieving any love notes. LOVE NOTES????

11. Do I win anything? No, No I didnt win anything. The last thing I won was a cookie jar from a charity auction on line. A friend cut off all her hair for the Locks for Love and she had also a charity auction for her favorite pet charities. I love the cookie jar by the way.

I'm not tagging anyone.