Friday, December 03, 2010


Yesterday my husband brought me to Radiation.

I look forward to when he brings me because it means a nice lunch out, just the two of us. I really like that.

Yesterday I had several appointments so couldnt ride the "Party Bus".On these extra appointment days he takes off from work and takes me.

The whole dang day all I did was talk about the bus, talk about the driver, talk about the Party goers and talk about how it is to be in the waiting room waiting for treatment. Like they were family. And I desperately missed them.

How odd is that that I'm addicted to my Party bus? I hate that stupid van and I hate the whole thing but now I see that since its become my world that when I was away from it yesterday I fretted over missing something while I was away. I realized I identify with them more than my family or friends and I feel more comfortable there. This little bit of personal trivia makes me feel very uncomfortable.

I cant wait to see the people and the driver and that is just odd. Heartbreaking but understandable.

And now I realize the truth of all those tv reports and investigations saying that prisoners feel lost and abandoned when they are released back out into the world and want to go back in.

Oh lord please erase this latest bit from my mind. Please please please dont let my mind absorb this and take it as fact.


Kayte said...

All it means is that you are able to place yourself in your current circumstances in a way that enables you to bear all that you have to bear right now with grace and acceptance. That's all it means. It means that this is where you are right now and this is what you have to do and this is how you can handle doing it. It means you can embrace all this head on and win. It means that you are an example for others which will undoubtedly help them on their journey. It means that you are a loving and caring person. It means that you need others to help and support you right now as much as they need you. It means that your attitude is all in the right place about getting you through what you are going through right now. It means you are a hero to all of us. Do I need to go on? Because I can and I are doing what you need to do and you are doing it so well!!! Hugs.

Maria said...

As you know, I have been in your shoes. The difference between us is that I never reached out to anyone. I stayed locked in my shell throughout my recovery. Your way is better.