Tuesday, April 15, 2008


I was overjoyed with the subject of one of my taped episodes of Oprah! I just watched. It was a fashion show. The "Sex in the City" acctress, (the one that you can see through; I forget her name) was on hawking her new line of clothes.
Cute trendy city clothes. Yuppywear.You know what I'm talking about; big trendy bags, peddle pushers in either white or khakhi and espidrilles. Only now they call them capries and wedges. They talked about shopping for new clothes for summer and the essentials we need. I almosted deleted but since I've been needing new clothes I stayed tuned:

New clothes and shopping brings me to the next subject, and that is bloop, or bloopage. My son and I came up with the word bloop.
The current style is hip hugging, low rise, low slung shorts and pants and skirts. I valiantly struggled to like them but they all lend themselves to bloop.

Bloop is the area between where pants are supposed to sit which is on the waist line and the area where the current style has them sitting, which is low on the hip area.
That overhang poochy part is bloop.
Bloop is not attractive.
I've heard this area called muffin top, but its still bloop hangin in a muffin top like arrangement over the hipline of the pants.

Everyone wearing this style has bloop showing and we are all into denial and act like we dont see this bloop. Bloop is NOT pleasing to the eye people, I dont care if you try to lead our eyes away from the bloop in the front and on the sides with those thong bikinis and tatoos on the backside by your cleavage but its STILL THERE!!

Bloopage. I so see you all pulling and tugging your shirts down, thats NOT helping either.
Bloop just sits there on top of the hip band of the pants and we all just go about pretending that that 4 inch strip of pant with pockets on it below the belt loops is really your butt.

The real backside starts a good 6 inches above that area. Those are cheeks showing, not your back.

Do you all just ignore this bloopage when buttoning your pants in the morning or are you on tippy toes and sucking in your stomache and do not notice it?

What designer sits there and says "Lets make wide sparkly belts and sparkly hugging shirts for the low slung pants"? I mean whats with all these thin tight shirts that bound back up above the bloop so that it is exposed?

When you sit down and you have to cover your back with your purse because there is cleavage and bloop all over the place do you not think to yourself that you need to call the store and demand more material to be used for pants, or shorts or skirts? Clothing that have waist lines where god intended waist lines to be on the clothes so that you do not have to feel this bloopage going on?

As you know; I have gained weight and I had to actually go shopping for new clothes. In shopping for slacks I have become so frustrated in this hip hugger style that abounds among us. I have no interest in baring my midrif. I have plenty of bloop and I do not intend to show it off, and YES I tried hip hugger shorts in khaki color and camel color and in buff color and there was still bloop. I did indeed complain LOUDLY and with much huff and puff.

I even grabbed the bloop and told the sales lady, "WHERE IN THE HECK IS THIS PART SUPPOSED TO GO???"
I dont quite think she was expecting that.

I only see this style working on people under the age of 15 and those that live in the gym with a handler all day excersizing the hell out of their midriff.
If you have no bloop please go pick out some khaki low slung hip hugging pants and some of those thong thingies and enjoy but as for me, I'm just going with the regular white high rise undergarments and the shorts I found in blue that were the highest waisted I could find.
If you see billowing white instead of bloop please DO NOT TAP ME ON THE SHOULDER, I know that my underclothes are showing and I prefer this. I really really do.
My jiggly parts are meant to be covered and if I have to cover them with billowing white cotton briefs and my pants show this, trust me; I DONT CARE!

But if you are insisting on informing me that my unders are showing:
I of course will turn around and sweetly explain that my tattoo is healing and just as soon as my thong comes back from the dry cleaner I'll be lettin you all see my bloopage but for now its a white surrender flag going on under my shirt.

Our jiggly parts are meant to be squished into pants not sitting on top of them.

The Oprah show I was watching actually emphasised how attractive high waisted pants are on a woman and if Sarah, skinny assed whatshername can hawk a whole line of clothes covering bloopage, please please please lets support her and her new line of clothing!!!!

No comments: